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Friday, April 6th, 2007
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9:11 pm
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I wish she hadn't died.
I wish we could have had our chance; so that he could have loved me; and then I could have loved him.
I wish I could do whatever I want and live however I want., but that's not fair, I suppose. You should have to work for what you want...I suppose. God, I'm such a Calvinist.
I hope that these days are worth it one day.
I wish I could tell her how I feel.
I wish happiness came in a bottle. Not a liquor bottle, but a bottle nevertheless.
I hope they love me now, and remember me for centuries.
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| Friday, March 30th, 2007
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3:25 pm
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My ass looks great today.
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1:37 am
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Most days I wish I were more attractive.
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| Sunday, March 25th, 2007
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12:29 pm - Dilemma
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I have my wedding song picked out, but I don't want to have a wedding...
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| Monday, February 26th, 2007
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11:55 am
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It's been two years...
Just when I thought I had begun to make some progress on changing and redefining who I am, I learn that I have essentially been the same all along.
current mood:  indescribable
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| Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
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2:37 am - An Amelie Post
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Ivan:
Likes:
Food likely to give him diabetes
Inside jokes
Warm beds
Dislikes:
Brushing his teeth with warm water
Wasting raisins in raisin bran
Connecting flights in out of the way cities (e.g. stopping in Chicago from San Antonio to Nashville)
current mood:  happy
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| Thursday, February 15th, 2007
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2:42 am
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Today was Valentine's Day, and I was completely fine all day long. I wasn't miserable at all. That hasn't happened in so long that I dare not think about it. All I know is that I'm single, and I'm going to bed with a smile on my face.
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| Thursday, February 1st, 2007
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5:13 pm
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I love my uncle.
He doesn't see me in the same way that he sees my mother, a critical distinction when it comes to being in his favor.
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| Saturday, January 6th, 2007
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1:30 pm
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For the first time, I lost holiday weight instead of gaining it.
I'm a bit worried.
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| Thursday, January 4th, 2007
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4:07 pm
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I'm home again. And damn do I feel better.
Now I just have to clean the dump...
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| Sunday, December 24th, 2006
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1:28 am
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When I sit down and think about it, I had a miserable semester.
And I think I'm sinking quickly. Very quickly.
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| Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
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1:18 am
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For those who would understand this and appreciate it the way I do:
Ivan: "Do you have any batteries?"
Dad: "Look in the refrigerator."
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1:17 am
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I hate Christmas...
I haven't even been able to think about it for the past couple of weeks; schoolwork and final papers have dominated my mind and schedule.
So, after sleeping an uncomfortable 3 hours on Thursday morning, I went to work, finished a paper, and left New Haven at 4:15am on Friday so that I could go to the airport and only arrive in San Antonio at 4:30pm--13 hours after leaving New Haven. Because it's holiday time, everyone has their kids when they travel. Screaming, obnoxious brats that don't know how to act in public because their parents are too incompetent to teach them anything useful.
Then, my dad needed to get his Christmas shopping done. So we went to the mall, saw my sister, and then the madness began. People, money, children everywhere, all of them rushing past each other; each of them so happy--happy to the extreme that they ignore everyone else around them--pushing, stressing, making it all about their Christmas, their family, their enjoyment.
And the sky fell down around my ears.
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| Monday, December 11th, 2006
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9:32 pm
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Dear soulmate,
I'm ready to be in love with you. Where are you?
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| Monday, October 9th, 2006
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9:50 pm - Of course I choose to do this...
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How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told YOU that THEY love you?
0
-Have you ever thought that you were going to marry a person?
Yes, but I've thought that about several places.
-Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
I don't know. It's hard to know what love is.
-Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
Technically, yes. But I still say that he wasn't my boyfriend despite what he wanted to think.
-Are you happier single or in a relationship?
Can't compare; all I've ever been is single.
-Have you ever been cheated on?:
Not possible.
-What is your favorite physical thing about the opposite sex?
The delicacy of their hands.
-Have you ever had your heart broken?
Like it was made of absolute zero steel, and at the time it probably nearly was.
-Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I'm pretty sure I did.
-Talk to your exes?
"Exes" --yes...one is my boss...
-If you could go back in time and change things with any of your ex's would you?
Ruin them? Prevent things from happening? Pull myself away?
-Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?:
In my dreams I am. All I have is potential.
-Have you dated people who were not good for you?
"dated"--yes
-Have you been in an abusive relationship?:
I only abuse my own heart.
-Have you dated someone older then you?:
Again, back to "dated" and yes.
-Younger
*Shudders* yes...
-Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?:
No.
-Believe in love at first sight?:
Lust, definitely. But love at first sight juxtaposes the coincidental with hard work.
-Ever dated two people at once?:
Heavens, no. "What kinda girl do you take me for?"
-Ever been given an engagement ring?
Oh that's laughable.
-Do you want to get married?
I think so. But even though I'm getting to that age, it's too abstract to think about.
-Do you have something to say to any of your exes?
You had me, you lost me.
-Ever stolen someone's boyfriend or girlfriend?
No. Almost once, I believe, but they weren't dating at the time.
-Ever liked someone's boyfriend or girlfriend?
Umm, I don't think so.
-Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?
Yes, perhaps worse.
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| Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
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6:05 pm
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Lately I have felt the itchings of the need to write but have not yet felt inclined to scratch.
This is partially due to my busy schedule:
Monday:
English 301 Modern British Novel 11:30-12:20
English 429 Jane Austen 1:30-3:20
Yale University Press 3:45-5:30
Tuesday:
English 250 Romantic Poetry 11:30-12:20
AFAM 411 Fiction of Imminent or Imaginary Futures 1:30-3:20
Yale University Press 3:45-5:30
Wednesday:
English 301 11:30-12:20
YUP 12:45-3:30
English 301 5:00-5:50
Thursday:
English 250 11:30-12:20
YUP 12:45-3:30
English 250 4:30-5:20
Friday:
YUP 11:00-1:00
English 359 Feminist Perspectives on Lit 1:30-3:20
Essentially, I have 3-4 novels to read per week. All of this is in addition to my new membership in the sketch comedy group, Red Hot Poker, and my new position as Editor-In-Chief of The Triple Helix-Yale Chapter. If I have not seen or spoken to you in some time (e.g. Zeynep), I will do so as soon as I can. Now it's time for callbacks and tap night...
current mood:  hungry
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| Saturday, September 9th, 2006
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11:52 am
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Why do I feel so much like an ogre?
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| Monday, September 4th, 2006
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7:06 pm
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This is not meant to sound as if I am whining about being "popular," but I wish that I didn't feel so stressed by having so many different people call me to hang out when I know that I can't possibly hang out with all of them together.
I certainly wish that we could get the apartment set up to have parties, but there are still 3 people living in a 2-person apartment...
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| Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
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5:46 pm
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Christian rap is a term that is synonymous with failure.
Dear Joseph,
We must leave some kind of correspondence or dedicatory mark that we once knew each other and were great friends. I believe that the Modern Age of world history is coming to an end. There are far too many changes that have occurred with the onset of the digital age, with the internet leading the charge into the future. And with the United States slowly sabotaging its position as the world’s only superpower, we have to imagine that a new era will soon begin. This is beginning to sound bleak, but in the meantime, it gives artists like you and I the opportunity to do what we do best. And the arts (philosophy, music, literature, visual arts, and the performing arts) are what really matter in the end. Ancient World, Middle Ages, Modern Age; all these were defined by the drastic changes in the arts. You with your masterful abilities as a musician will take us into a new world, a new sounding world. Music affects the way we think, feel, and react. And perhaps I can one day be remembered as one who made a significant contribution to the changing trend of literature through my novice attempts at reconstructing storytelling and socio-cultural atmospheres in semi-fictional writings. However, that sounds too complicated to be feasible, but you are destined for remembrance, and if I can luckily achieve the same, the history books should find some way to note that you and I once knew each other and shared these thoughts. We are the future. Modernity is dead.
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| Saturday, July 29th, 2006
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3:16 am
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Apparently I look good in:
Red
Yellow
Purple
Green
Aviator sunglasses
In other news, I am 99% sure that I'm taking time off between undergrad and grad school. I need a city to live in: New York (Manhattan or Brooklyn), Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston, San Francisco?, New Haven. I will need a roommate who does not mind dogs, especially in the non-New York cities. Please let me know if you're looking for a roomie in a year.
I've been freaking out for a couple weeks, if you can't tell.
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